Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern is what I wanted to name the goldfish that we "won" at Meadowfest three weeks ago. I wanted to be able to name them that because I wanted to be able to say, "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead" and seem sophisticated and witty.... when the fish died.

In Hamlet, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are used by the king in an attempt to discover Hamlet's motives and to plot against him. Hamlet, however, mocks them and outwits them, so that they, rather than he, are killed in the end. They are minor characters in an epic story of Hamlet. Nobody mourns their loss and nobody cares that they are dead. Just like goldfish.

I was overruled, and fish were named Nemo and Dori, from everybody's favorite fish movie (excluding Jaws) Finding Nemo. Guess what Dori, is dead. I just secreted her out of the bowl and flushed her down the toilet before anyone could notice. I am responsible for her death. I killed her with kindness.

After surviving and thriving the two weeks, here in Casa O'Rourke, I thought that it might be nice if I did some reseach on how to care for these creatures, that my children, and I, have enjoyed watching frolic in the bowl. So, I did a little research online and found that, 1) these fish need 1.5 gallons of water each to be healthy. I have two fish in 1 gallon. So that is strike one against them. 2) While a filter system can help, the water should be changed every two to three weeks.

It has been three weeks. The water was getting quite cloudy. So, I followed the advice of the the online fish care folks and changed the water. I did everything right, but when Dori and Nemo were put back into the bowl with the clean water they didn't adapt too well. They became very sluggish. And Dori died.

As I am writing this, Tiernan just walked into the kitchen looking for his other goldfish. At first, I told him that I didn't know where Dori was, she must have just disappeared. But of course, he wanted to look for her. Very quickly, I realized that this was a bad strategy and owned up to Dori's death. I did not, however, tell him that I flushed her down the toilet.

I explained that I tried to make their bowl healthier for them and I must have done something wrong and she died and Nemo (the bigger of the two fish) wasn't feeling too good either. As of 10 minutes ago, Nemo is also listless, but is swimming more and looking better than Dori did an hour ago.

"Where is Dori?" came the question. I told Tiernan that Dori died and went to the big fish bowl in the sky. I really did say "big fish bowl in the sky", as I said it I couldn't believe what I was hearing myself say. I tried to explain that Dori went to a better place, with a huge pond and lots of other fish to play with.

"Can we got there and see her?" he said.

I thought, death is "the undiscover'd country from whose bourn, no traveller returns" but I Just said "no, we can't."

So... we started talking about death and heaven. I told him that was sorry that Dori died and we should pray for her and ask God to help Nemo get better. "Dad, I miss Dori," and he buried he face in his hands. Coming from anyone else, I'd say that missing a goldfish was silly, but it broke my heart.

"I am really sorry, buddy," is all I could manage. If I would have just let them continue swimming around in their filth, I would not be having this conversation with my son. Damn you, online fish site!! You shamed me into caring for these creatures, beyond feeding them and look what happened, I killed on fish and the other one's life is hanging by a thread. How did I managed to keep two human children alive this long? I can't even care for fish. I certainly don't feel sophisticated and witty.