Tripping Over Milestones

It has been awhile since I’ve had the time gather my thoughts and put them in blog form. Here are some of the things you, gentle reader, have missed.
Reagan, the daughter, is no longer a pagan. She became a member of the Roman Catholic Church Aug. 20, in a lovely baptismal ceremony that she completely slept through, including the water being poured on her head. And like many Catholics, she hasn’t been back to church since. In fairness to her, we were away on vacation for two Sundays, away visiting her grandfather another and she was sick last Sunday.
In other developments, Reagan is also no longer stationary. She crawls!!!! And she’s fast and getting faster. She crawls, she sits up, she pulls herself up on tables, she crawls up and down the step to the den, she tries to crawl off the changing table, and this development is perhaps the biggest reason why I have not had the chance to write a blog entry. As ESPN’s Dan Patrick says, “You can’t stop her. You can only hope to contain her.”
In another de-velop-ing sit-ua-tion, to paraphrase Bill Pidto another ESPNer. Reagan has sprouted teeth, two teeth in her bottom gum, and she is currently cutting a few more, which means she is both mobile and unhappy, and wet. The arrival of teeth is heralded by the opening of the drool floodgates. The poor little girl’s chin and neck are always damp.
While the fact that she is crawling and pulling herself up on tables and couches is great, however, she still has not figured out how to fall, or that certain actions will result in falling. So, she falls and hits her head on the rug quite a bit which means there is a crying factor involved. Kids fall and hit their heads, until they acquire the skills to break their fall, or get used to the feeling of falling. I don’t think the crying is from the contact as much from the shock and the feeling of helplessness that come with a fall. As adults falling can be unsettling, for an infant, falling must feeling like skydiving.
I suspect the thought progression is something like this, “Look at me, hanging on the couch with one hand. This is cool. Whoa! Whoa! I am falling, I am falling. BANG. Hey, that wasn’t cool. I’m hurt. My head, I am hurt. I must let out an audible cry so the big creature that feeds and cleans me will know that I may be badly hurt and in need of serious medical attention. WHAAAA!!!! WHAAAA!!! Hey, wait a minute. If I open my eyes and look around, I am only inches from where I was prior to the fall. And the cry seems to have a clearing affect on my head and I no longer feel that pain I felt a second ago. That didn’t hurt that much at all. Oh wait, here comes that large male caregiver. I better make it look as though I am really hurt, otherwise he’ll ignore my cries in the future. Whaaaa!!! Lungs: breath harder, short breaths. Eyes: make with the tears. Not too many just enough to show him that we mean business. OK, he’s picked me up, and is consoling me. Yes, the soft pats on my back make me feel much better. Resume normal breathing. Stop crying and end the tear production. OK he’s putting us back on the rug. Excellent. All functions operating normally, now where is that couch I was climbing on?”
Now, the den is stocked with at least 15,000 various in sundry toys that, you think would appeal to a creature with a developing — if not already keen interest in all things bright and shiny. Objects created to stimulate just such a mind. But these toddler jewels, go unnoticed by little Reagan. What is she attracted to? The step up to the living room. And developing her own ability to navigate up and down said step. As an experienced parent, I know that a 7 month old spending her day playing on a step will eventually end with a trip to the emergency room. Maybe not the first day but, if you allow this behavior to continue, and you throw in an overactive older brother by the end of the week you get a baby with a permanent scar. And nobody wants that, especially on a little girl. You might be able to get away with it on a little boy, because chicks dig scars, but not a beautiful little princess.
So to avoid the permanent scar, I adopted the Ottoman Doctrine. Which means that we place a small ottoman, which fills up half the doorway and fill the other half with large throw pillows, thus creating an padded obstacle for the infant, and path for the rest of the family. The Ottman Doctrine is only a temporary fix, because by this time next week, Reagan will have the ability and will to climb the pillow hill and gain unabated access to the rest of the house. However, the Ottoman Doctrine prevents a trip to the emergency room and possible visit from Child Services.
Speaking of the emergency room, I had my first trip to the ER as a parent. The week before vacation, Tiernan developed Pink Eye. It started with a green ooze from his left eye and a trip to the pediatrician proved useless as it was misdiagnosed as a the body’s natural cleansing of a piece of sand in the eye. However, when the other eye started oozing ectoplasm I knew we had larger problem. After a nap, Tiernan could not get his eyes open as a result of being caked closed. And then after they were pried open, he said he could not see. So, we went up the ER at HUMC.
There is such a thing as a pediatric ER. A whole ER with separate waiting rooms, patient rooms, and procedure rooms just for the little ones. Complete with TVs in each room. It was I dare say a pleasure. No dealing with scary old people with old people sounds, fluids and smells. No stabbing victims, no gunshot wounds, it was very nice. Toys and books for the kids to keep them occupied while they wait. If you have kids and they need medical attention and you are in the HUMC area stop in. You won’t be disappointed.
The folks at HUMC prescribed some drops and the Pink Eye was banished in a matter of days, with out further infection to other family members. Another victory in the war on germs.
There are three basic rules of parenting. I mean the bare bones of being a parent are made up of these three tenets:
1.) Avoid Death. Keep your kids alive. It doesn’t get more basic than that.
2.) Avoid The ER. This is closely linked to no. 1., but can be harder to follow. But, it is your duty to do your best to keep your child out of the emergency room. I am not saying that a trip to the emergency room equals bad parenting, but if this is your third trip because you child keeps playing with fire and burning himself, you might want to rethink your approach to parental supervision.
3.) Avoid The Permanent Scar. Again closely related to Nos. 1 & 2, but harder to avoid. Everybody has permanent scarring somewhere, at some time in life well lived the body becomes deformed somehow, either through an act of God or an act of foolishness. It is you duty as a parent, to ensure that the later does not happen to your child while in your care. If stepping over a throw pillow 20 times a-day, can help stop your little girl from breaking her nose before she’s a year old, throw the pillow down and step around.