Cargo Shorts and Meltdowns
I have a confession to make. I haven’t worn long pants in over two years. I wear cargo shorts. The more pockets the better. Pockets that can hold sippy-cups, binkys, toy Thomas trains, board books, a baggie filled with Pepperidge Farm Goldfish. That way I can put my hand in my pocket, grab a fish, and pop it into my son’s mouth and say, “Good Boy.” I feel like a monkey trainer.
My son Tiernan has -- in the last two months or so -- figured out that he too can say No! It has quickly become his favorite word. It drives me crazy, as it does all parents. But, remember being young and single and stupid. When people would ask me if I wanted to have kids, I would say, “Yes, and I am going to be a great dad. Until, the little bugger says no! to me. Then the state will put me away for murder.”
Thankfully, I have been enlightened or perhaps, my son says No! in such a cute way that I don’t care. Or is it that I understand that he is becoming his own person. He is developing his sense of self and his current self is constantly conflicted between doing what he should do and what he wants to do. Right now, Tiernan wants to play with Playdough. Right now Tiernan, doesn’t want to go upstairs and take a much needed nap. “No, Da No. Da down. Down. Down.” And cue the 15 minute temper tantrum. Which is brought on by the fact that his body is telling him that he needs a nap. But, his mind and spirit want to further explore the many splendid ways of mixing Playdough colors to create one big gray piece of dough. However, when someone outside of his brain suggests that he should take nap, his body says Yes. And his brain feels betrayed and starts kicking and screaming and crying and crying. Until the worldwind of tears and sweat and snot is quelled by slipping into the Land of Nod.
However, one thing I can not gloss over is the statement “he is becoming his own person” which scares the crap out of me. Make no mistake, I love the fact that he’s developing, but the type of person he’s developing into is what frightens me. Which is not to say that he has shown me anything that I don’t like. He’s not kicking puppies or shoving firecrackers up the ass of kittens, nothing violent or abnormal. He is normal. In general, developing character in my children is one of the greatest tasks which lie before my wife and I.
I am talking about values and morals, and inner strength and creativity. I want to instill in them with a strong sense of appreciation. An appreciation of what it is like to be human, of music, of art, of style. Appreciation of money and the ability to find the joy in every day pleasures. To understand the importance of living a well rounded life.
In Tiernan’s case, as he gets older I fervently pray that I can teach him to understand that being a man, is not about being manly. A true man was gentle, and gracious and sensitive and emotional. A true man respects others and himself. Having self respect and holding yourself accountable for your actions is the mark of a true man.
Actions like making sure you’re wearing cargo shorts stocked with a sippy-cup full of apple juice and a welcoming smile ready when your son wakes up from a tantrum induced nap. Youth must be served and fluids must be replenished.
