Rockfish Gap

Our recent trip to visit AT&UC in Cville, VA (home of UVA) was not without exciting discoveries and moments of controlled peril...

The very last stop for Clan O'Rourke on the trip down was at a scenic overlook at Rockfish Gap, where Rt. 64 cuts through the Blue Ridge Mountains to Charlottesville and points east. The Rockfish Gap is where the Skyline Drive starts north and the Blue Ridge Parkway starts south. When we pulled in about 6:30 p.m. the small parking lot was vacant. We to got out and looked at the valley below. Tiernan said, "That's cool Dad. I gotta go pee."

The truth was I too had to answer the call. However, this was just a place to stop and look. The stop with the facilities was still five miles further down the mountain. (That stop also contains a very noble tribute to DOT workers in VA who have given all so we could traverse the beautiful countryside at 90 mph.) Clan O'Rourke could not stop at both. Reagan would not have it. The second stop would have been a bad scene at a scenic overlook. By this time in the trip she was ready to get out of the car seat and never get back in.

So, Dad is left with a decision. I thought about getting in the car and driving five miles down mountain, but then I had a revelation. Tiernan is a boy. Boys can pee outside. Quick scan of the area showed a large large rock, large enough to conceal a boy and his father peeing in the woods from fellow travellers.

Tiernan, of course, thought that it was the coolest thing he's ever done. "We can just pee anywhere, Dad?"

"No. You really should use a bathroom. But in an emergency, like this, boys like us, can easily pee outside," I say trying to be stern and playful at the sametime. Because, it is one of the joys of being a boy. The knowledge that relief is just a tree away.

I must admit that for a split second the thought of getting caught by the Virginia State Police entered my mind and getting a summons for urinating in public was less of a concern than being arrested for indecent exposure in front of a minor. Now picture this, a police officer pulls into a roadside parking lot and finds a man and child behind a rock and both of them have their privates out. The timing could have been really bad and we could both be done and the officer notices me zipping up, or I am helping the boy button his snap. At which point I am either bending and kneeling, behind a rock, with my hands in or near a minor's privates. No kidding. The possibility was that I could have been charged with a sex crime. I could have explained the situation to the state cop and he could have been a parent and understood, but he could have been bucking for a promotion, or had an affinity for Rockfish Gap and take it personally when Northerners piss all over it. Or he could just be dilligent. And would have to report that I was a sex offender if I moved and my name would be on the sex offender Web sites, as exposing himself to a child. It would be huge news. The headlines would read "Yankee Creep Arrested for Exposing Himself at Rest Stop." AT&UC would have to move. My neighbors would be camped on my front door with picket signs, all because I didn't want to hear my daughter scream for last half-hour of a 7-hour trip. Do you think the judge would have taken pity on me? I don't.

Luckily, Tiernan and I finish watering the weeds and get back in the car without incident, dodging another bullet.

"We really can go pee outside anytime we want?"

"No, honey. We only go pee outside when there is no bathroom close by."

"Oh. I gotcha," he says. "Can we go poop outside?"

"No."