Going to the Mattresses

Listen up parents and wanna-be parents. I have a new rule to abide by for a better life. I beg of you to learn from my mistakes. The rule is:

Never take your toddlers mattress shopping.

It sounds simple enough. But, I needed a new bed and when nobody is around to watch the kids, sometimes forced to bring them. However, do not bring your kids mattress shopping. Anyone who has shopped for a mattress set can tell you one thing -- it sucks. It is all a scam. They all feel great in the showroom. But....

So... anyway there we are. My wife holding Reagan. Trying to keep her as far from the beds as possible because she's got a little case of the trotskis and a diaper failure could be imminent. And we don't want to buy a mattress with a trotski stain on it. The mattess saleslady is trying to gauge our interst, "Is this one better or this one?" My wife and I are trading the girl back and forth. Laying down. "And now try this one on your side? Better now? Softer? or Firmer?"

All the while, the boy is running from bed to bed yellling, "Try this one. Try this one Daddy. Try this one. Ohhh yeah. Soft. Try this one. Now try this one. That's soft. Ohhh babbby!!!! Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy, try this one."

Up. Down. 'How about about this one? Softer? Now your side?"
"What do you think, hon?" Up. Down. "I like that one better." Soon they all feel the same. They are all pretty comfortable compared to the crappy bed I am currently sleeping on. Meanwhile, the girl has developed an amazing case of gas and is fumigating the showroom with a fragrance so pungent that makes your head turn on contact, wincing as you move her away, "Ewwwoh!"
"Here you take her."
"I don't want her. Keep her on your side of the bed."

"Daddy!!!! Daddy Look at this one! Daddy I want this one!!!" He found the bunk bed. "Daddy it has a ladder and another bed up there, see. I want it. I want it. I want it."

"No honey, that's a bunk bed. If Reagan was a boy. You would have had a bunk bed, but she's a girl. So you lose."

By the way, the new bed comes today. I can't wait to go to sleep.